Unlearning False Beliefs for True Self-Esteem

About a month ago I was asked the following question in a comment to one of my posts on LinkedIn:

Do you think self-esteem comes with age and experiences in life or are some people naturally born with it?

Well, we are certainly born with it. Have you ever seen two-year-olds playing, do they look as though they have a strong sense of self? Of course they do!

Can it be added to through life? It may be possible, but I can’t think of any examples.

Self-esteem will change with age and experience, influenced by the beliefs we accumulate, but rarely for the better. But what if True-Self-Esteem isn’t about accumulating, but unlearning? True-Self-Esteem emerges from shedding false beliefs.

Life experiences can shape our self-perception, often leading to low self-esteem. True-Self-Esteem begins by examining and unlearning the negative beliefs we hold about ourselves. Often deeply ingrained and unnoticed, these beliefs stem from comparisons, societal pressures, and past failures. They’re not truths but distorted perceptions.

Unlearning is a gradual process involving self-compassion, self-acceptance, and questioning the validity of these beliefs. It’s also about embracing vulnerability and recognizing that our worth isn’t tied to external validation.

Cultivating True-Self-Esteem requires self-care, setting boundaries, and nurturing mental and emotional well-being. Seeking support and guidance is essential in this journey.

In conclusion, while age and experience can impact self-esteem, True-Self-Esteem emerges from unlearning false beliefs. By shedding negativity and embracing our true selves, we can cultivate authentic, resilient Self-Esteem.

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Is there anything else that True-Self-Esteem will give you?


True-Self-Esteem can really shake up how you present yourself to the world 😀 .

Instead of battling those sneaky expectations about how you should act, you’re liberated to just be yourself. Plus, once you understand what real True-Self-Esteem is, and break free 🏃‍♀️ from that never-ending cycle of rewards and punishments it’s all wrapped up in, you’ll get in touch with what you truly desire for yourself and your life. 

That’s when you’ll start expressing yourself with a whole new level of enthusiasm and strength. 

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So What Else Will True-Self-Esteem Give You?


True-Self-Esteem is all about how we see ourselves, and it starts way back in our childhood.

When we’re young 👶 , our worth is tied to how others see us or what we achieve. But here’s the thing: even if we achieve a lot later in life, we might still feel unsatisfied because our self-esteem keeps hanging on to our future successes or failures. It’s like we’re missing something, you know? Life becomes this never-ending treadmill 🏃‍♂️ , lacking real excitement or purpose.

But fear not! True-Self-Esteem is here to help you out. It’ll show you how to spot these deep-rooted beliefs and get a new perspective on who you really are and what you’re all about. It’s time to discover your True-Self and embrace 🤗 it!

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One Drive / Cloudstation Test

So what will True-Self-Esteem give you?

True-Self-Esteem is like this awesome inner force that comes alive when we’re totally owning who we are, tapping into that creative juice that’s at the core of our being.

It’s where we’re real, unfiltered, and brave. It’s also where we show kindness and understanding to others. This place is where we find our happiness and the determination to keep going, to team up with others, and to build the life we really, really want.

We’re not talking about superhero stuff or being famous like movie stars. Oh no, we’re talking about the kind of person we are and the connections we make with others. It’s something we can strengthen or lose, deepen or improve, once we figure out what helps it grow and what blocks it.

More to come, same time next week……..

So what is True-Self-Esteem?

Firstly it’s not what most people think. It’s not feeling good about something you have or do.


 I’ll share an example from my own experience. When I was a kid I wanted an Italian racing bike. This I thought would make me happy and my friends like me.

 It made me happy for a day or two until I hit a kerb and buckled the expensive aluminium wheels, then I wasn’t so happy. My friends liked me just about the same.

Owning that bike didn’t help me ask girls out, it didn’t help me with my exams, and it didn’t help me put my foot down about the career I wanted when I was told “There’s no money in that”.

 What that bike gave me for a while was context-specific. It gave me Pseudo-Self-Esteem.

 So what is True-Self-Esteem……

Simple to say…

Your ability to feel love and compassion for yourself, whatever the situation or circumstance you find yourself in.

But harder to do…

Do you think that’s worth having?

I do!

The Rat Race

The Rat Race

The Rat Race, we’ve all heard the expression, and I expect we all have an idea of the meaning it conveys. To me it means a struggle and more importantly a struggle that one will never overcome.

To put it succinctly, The Rat Race is a race you can’t win. It’s like the horizon, or perhaps a mirage. You move towards it, but never get there and you wonder why you bothered or perhaps worse you start looking for another.

If I ask, “What is it like to be in your Rat Race” what would you say?

Have you ever said to yourself “I  have to ……… or else ……….”

If you find yourself saying that and it doesn’t feel very comfortable that might be a clue that something is wrong with your thinking.

If you would like to get an idea of how to get rid of that feeling, get out of the Rat Race and still have the things you want, we might have the solution for you.

It’s a course called “A Course for a Happier Life ~ The Power of Self Esteem” and I run this course in London and Surrey throughout the year. If you would like to know when and where please ask via our Contact Page.

Your Money or Your Life….

Your Money or Your Life….

The expression “Your Money or Your Life!” has often been attributed to Highwayman in the 18th century. A masked man pointing a pistol would ride up to a traveller and make that demand. He meant give me your money or I will kill you. A sobering proposition.

Latterly this expression took the form of a joke that went something like this….

Highwayman: Your money or your life!

Victim: Take my life, I’m saving for my old age!

I always have found this joke funny, but also ironically sad.

How often do we postpone something that would do us good now, for some unknown and unquantifiable event in the future?

“A Course for a Happier Life ~ The Power of Self Esteem” is a course I run in London and Surrey throughout the year. If you would like to know when and where please ask via our Contact Page.

Not Very OK At All….

“Piglet?” said Pooh.
“Yes Pooh?” said Piglet.
“Do you ever have days when everything feels… Not Very Okay At All? And sometimes you don’t even know why you feel Not Very Okay At All, you just know that you do.”
Piglet nodded his head sagely. “Oh yes,” said Piglet. “I definitely have those days.”
“Really?” said Pooh in surprise. “I would never have thought that. You always seem so happy and like you have got everything in life all sorted out.”
“Ah,” said Piglet. “Well here’s the thing. There are two things that you need to know, Pooh. The first thing is that even those pigs, and bears, and people, who seem to have got everything in life all sorted out… they probably haven’t. Actually, everyone has days when they feel Not Very Okay At All. Some people are just better at hiding it than others.
“And the second thing you need to know…